Golf is going to need a “Council of Nicea” soon.

You all have google, so I won’t go into what the Council of Nicea was, but golf needs one of these badly.

I don’t expect everyone to agree on swing methodology, but the world of golf needs to create a common language.

You hear the term flip and it means different things to different people and the two main uses are COMPLETELY different movements/faults.

Tilt to some means bend at the waist (don’t get me started on the waist/hip socket debate), while to others it means bend away from the target.

Maintain spine angle, shoulder turn, level turn, full turn, square club face, inside out path…I haven’t even gotten into the uses of physiological terms that 90% of the people don’t understand, but don’t speak up as not to look stupid.

It all supinates the dorsal flexion of the right frontal lobe of the left undescended testicle.

The bad news for me is the gospel of Monte Scheinblum, will likely be omitted unless I became a class A before this meeting of the minds takes place. Some would say I am a class A of another kind.

The future of golf lies in the hands of my ability to grasp turf grass management, golf event planning, purchasing, fleet cart management, glad handing, ass kissing and a class I have no chance of understanding…intermediate golf instruction.

Why don’t they just add understanding women and toddlers to the curriculum? I really need help there and learning more about that would help me more as an instructor than some of that other stuff.

How many groups did I offend with today’s post? It’s only a matter of time before Martha Burke sets her sights on me, now that they have the token female members at Augusta.




  1. Mike Divot

    Understanding toddlers is not so hard. They’re all about “me, me, me” and your job as a parent is to gently let them know “no, it’s not”. Basically so they don’t end up as a**holes. It takes a lot of determination.

    Understanding women …. whoa … I am reminded of the words of Sigmund Freud: “What does a woman WANT ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?” Give up now while you’re still ahead (or more like, not so behind).

    Monte, your calling is with the pros and the really good players. You’ve played at that level, you understand the evil of swing crack, you have learned how to communicate at that level.

    You can work with hackers & chops and you seem to be very effective at it. Your videos are achieving internet legend status. You cut through the crap like no-one else. But lower level golfers seem not to give you that buzz.

    Plenty here want to see you succeed. Go Monte! (Go Frank! and go Monte!)

  2. IPM

    First of all, love the Nicea reference. I agree with you. As a beginning golfer, I’ve come to understand that swing theories are different depending on who you talk to. I’ve struggled because I tried to use one guys setup with anothers guys takeaway, and yet another guys backswing, downswing, etc. Everyone uses the same terminology, but it means different things.

  3. woody

    “create a common language”

    What? And spoil all the fun? Golf instruction has a good thing going. The “patients” don’t die, and they never get well.

    The way it is, if you have a leg or an arm amputated, there’s an instruction method out there–now being taught–that will be perfect for you.

  4. jaybee

    The council of Nicea left out the other faiths though- poor Hardys, S&T’lers et al…
    I completely agree with you on the absurdity of golf teaching pro education- there should be two separate educational branches in the PGA, one focussing on clubmanagement and one on teaching and the latter needs some serious work on the curriculum.
    It is refreshing, necessary and overdue that someone blogs in a classy and politically sometimes incorrect way- we readers love and envie you for that, while Martha probably won’t give a “ยง$%.
    She and I would probably have wished for a really strong woman though, an equalitarian achiever who would have publicly told the geriatric degnerates of Augusta National to stick their invite up their nostrils.

  5. calvin

    Idiots abound.

    Who would have thought that learning to swish a stick would lead to such extreme levels of anguish and pleasure and the traffic of such an immense amount of cash?

  6. HoldTheLag

    Your cargo shorts video was a nice idea, but it seems to be like swing instruction should be conducted in speedos instead so that we can really see that left testicle pronate dorsally.

    *I was not being serious.

  7. Avery

    You better watch out, you will get banished with such views ๐Ÿ™‚

    You should just trademark the F.U.B.A.R. golf system,make some DVDs, write a book, and even claim to reveal hogan’s “secret” in the final chapter.

    Who wants to manage turf and plan tournaments?

  8. Steve Bishop

    In an industry such as ours, you’re lucky the ball flight laws are finally starting to come around.

  9. JB

    I’m pretty sure Jimmy Ballard doesn’t have any status with the PGA. It may not be as easy to get a head pro job without it, but I don’t think it’s as important anymore if you want to teach golf.


Leave a Reply

Share This