I was at the range yesterday and I had an experience that almost made my head explode.
There were two guys hitting balls. One was giving lessons to the other and it was obviously a boss and employee. The employee being the one getting the lesson. The boss was your typical range know it all, but was a complete duck (not a typo). Talked like a +5, hit it like a 15 and swung like a 25. The employee looked like if he was just left alone, he could be a nice solid 10-15…but a smaller guy and didn’t hit the ball very far…but very solid and straight.
The boss (yet another double entendre on this blog) was spouting every possible cliche that makes my stomach turn. It went essentially like this…all while he was demonstrating the acts and positions one by one in sequence.
BOSS-“In order to attain the maximum smash factor, you have to make your arc as wide as possible by keeping the club low to the ground and getting as much extension as possible. Keep the backswing very slow to take full advantage of widening the arc. This will also make your hands hinge very late and that helps your create the most lag on the downswing. Make sure you restrict your hips against your shoulder turn creating maximum coil…like stretching a rubber band…and make a full turn by going as far past parallel as you can. The longer the swing, the more time you have to create more club head speed. On the downswing, try and leave everything above the waist still and clear your hips before you move anything else. Then try and hinge your wrists to as small of an angle as you can…and try to hold that lag angle as long as you can with your hands.”
Needless to say, the synapses in my brain were firing at a rate such that the pressure build up caused bleeding from the eye sockets, ears and nose.
Here it comes…
EMPLOYEE-“Boss, I have been reading this blog on the internet. This guy was a former long ball champion, a pretty good player and he says all of those things are too hard for regular people to do and we should try a more simple and natural approach.”
BOSS-“What’s this guy’s name? He sounds pretty clueless.”
BOSS-“Never heard of him. He probably isn’t even a long drive champion and is just some hack sitting as his keyboard spouting nonsense.”
My spleen then popped through my navel and landed on my wedge.
EMPLOYEE-“I googled his name. He won the long drive title in the 90’s and did well in a couple of Nationwide Tour events.”
BOSS-“Well, if he knew anything, he would be on the PGA Tour.”
I was about to say that listening to morons like him is why I didn’t make the Tour, but I kept my mouth shut as I didn’t want to get the other guy fired…and I find penitentiary a deterrent for not killing people.
The fact I find penitentiary a deterrent, is the only reason several people are walking around right now.
The boss gets up there…and to his credit he tried to implement everything he was talking about. This was the most contrived out of sync mess I have ever seen.
We all know the saying about something looking like a monkey sexually assaulting a football. This guy would need the benefits of an 11 lesson package on golfswingsurgeon.com just to have his swing look that good.
He hit a bleeding slice about 220 with about 50 yards of left to right boomerang on it.
He reproduced that same shot 4 more times, then hit a screaming BB about 280, puffed out his chest and said…
BOSS-“That’s how you do it.”
I had only hit about 10 balls out of my large bucket. I scooped them back in the bucket, walked over to the employee, handed him the bucket and said…
“I tried what your buddy was saying and I hurt my back…you want the rest of these? I am headed to my chiropractor.”
EDITED-Mr. Employee. If you are reading this, please chime in. 🙂