This all happened the same day…on the same 9 actually.

I played golf one day with a few friends and had a run in with the group behind me, the group in front of me and a marshal.

On the first tee my friends all hit and I obviously had to wait longer till the group in front of us got out of range. The first hole was about 400 yards and down wind. I was just about getting ready to hit when the group behind us rolled up and one of the guys said loud enough for us to hear.

“What the F*** is this guy waiting for?”

One of my friends laughed at him and said, “now he is going to make you wait longer.”

I waited till the group in front got off the green and this guy was steaming, came out on the tee and started talking smack.

“$100 says you don’t even get it to the 150 rock. Better wear a hard hat fellas, cuz we aren’t going to wait on this S*** all day.”

I ignored him. When the group in front got off the green, I hit one in the green side bunker, turned to the guy and said, “hit into us any time you feel the need, but just so you know, I can hit a low screaming 1-iron with great accuracy.”

A few holes later there was a short par 4 in the 330 range. I was waiting for the group in front to get off the green. After they finished, 2 of them started practice putting with the flag in. I whistled at them and waved my hand. They looked up and went back to putting. I whistled and waved again. They looked up and waved back at me and went back to their putting.

I said, “no problem, but let’s all yell fore as soon as my ball gets airborne.”

I lasered one right at the flag, we all yelled fore, it landed on the front of the green and rolled up to about 10 feet…not 3 feet from where one of these guys was putting. These two jokers get in their cart and drove back down the fairway, got out of the cart and start yelling and cursing at me.

I said in a very calm voice, “first of all, that ball landed 20 or 30 yards from you and rolled up to where you were. Second of all did you think I was whistling at you because you looked cute in your scratch outfit? Third, I may not look like much, but do you really want to provoke someone who can hit a golf ball that far? I am obviously not muscular nor do I fancy my self as a badass, but I just flew a ball on the green of a 330 yard hole into the wind because my hands are strong enough to rip your balls off and feed them to you.”

Now I am on the ninth tee, par 5. Elevated tee and a lake in the middle and left parts of the fairway that is about 350 out. If I want to hit driver, I must hit it up the right side. One of my buddies from the short par 4 is fishing a ball out of the water that he hit into the edge on his third shot.

My friends have all hit and the marshal comes up on the tee and says, “sir, we have had complaints that you are holding up play by waiting too long to hit your tee shots.”

I informed him I was a world long drive champion I was was trying to show courtesy to the group in front as I had already hit into them once. He noticeably scoffed at me like I was feeding him a line and asked me again to hit. I again told him I could reach the group in the fairway. He told me I must hit now, or be asked to leave the course.

I said no problem. I stepped up, aimed for my buddy fishing balls out of the lake and tagged one right at him.
As soon as the ball left the club I told the marshal…”that ball is going to land in the lake right next to that guy’s head, so you can go apologize to him.” Just as I finished my comment, the ball splashed in the lake about 5 feet from the guy who got in my grill on the short par 4.

The entire back nine I heard nothing from the marshal, the group in front of me or the group behind me, but I did get called into the pro shop to be chastised by the head pro for all three of those incidents in context that they were all completely my fault.

How about a story of a 4-some of women playing in front of me who provoked me at Shady Canyon (a ritzy private club in Irvine, CA) and how the end resulted in me threatening to knock out the teeth of the head pro.

Interested? ­čÖé

PS-I am sure you are reading this and noticing some latent hostility on my part. Let me put it this way. I told you one story and hinted at the details of another. Ask yourself this. If incidents like those above happened dozens of times, don’t you admire me for not being on death row?

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8 Comments

  1. Ringer

    Yet more evidence of the egotistical nature of golfers in general. Not YOUR ego Monte, but theirs.

    I’m a short, small guy with a small frame. I consistenly outdrive guys twice my size. I can litterally see their games go down the tubes because I outdrive them by 20-30 yards.

    I’m not saying this as an ego boost to myself. I don’t care how far I hit the ball… but why on earth these guys DO care how far I hit it is a mystery. People get angry with you and all you’re trying to do is be nice and not hurt anyone.

    Unfortunately for me, I’m not a fighter. It’s hard to stick up to them the way you do my friend.

    Reply
  2. eric

    sometimes I’m glad I can’t hit it 350+

    ok, I’m really not. I’m actually quite jealous ­čÖé

    Reply
  3. Matt A

    Marshals can be power hungry asshats for sure. One day on a course the fog was so thick that visibility was about 100 yards at best. Needless to say fog is what it is and people were aware that care needed to be take in order to not kill someone. Everyone was very careful hitting giving plenty of time before hitting and sometimes walking ahead 100 yards just to get a better look.

    Our day started at 7:40 in a group of 4 foursomes could barely see 100 yards
    ahead because of heavy fog, in fact the guys in my group were older
    and could only see about 75 yards. I was running 50 yards forward to make
    sure the line was clear and people were cleared. After the group
    behind us almost beaned me with a drive they fell further back. I bet
    that all around the course players were spread out for fear of killing someone.

    I start walking to the 5th tee and I saw the marshal. As he got out
    of his cart I waved hello. He then went on to give us the talk that
    we should have played 1-4 in 1hr and we were 7 min behind. He stated
    the other group is about 100 yards from the green. I asked him why is
    he “Bothering people when no one can see beyond 150 yards; in fact the
    only reason we know that we can tee off right now is because YOU told
    us where the other group is”. All he said again was “you’re 7 min slow
    – speed up”. I told him that he was “wrong to be bothering players
    when conditions are like they were, I’ve had to run ahead to make sure
    the group was out of our way.” Once again he said “speed up”. I just
    walked away and was so pissed off I flubbed my next shot.

    By the 6th hole I was able to see 200y, then on the 7th 250y I finally
    saw the group ahead of us walk off the green as I get to my ball. Just
    then the jack-ass marshal drives up next to me – AS I’M TRYING TO MAKE
    MY SHOT – and says, ” I’d like to thank your group for catching up”.
    I took a step back and collected my thoughts….then I looked up and
    stated very sharply “Because we can see that our landing area is
    clear!”…..so he drove off

    By the 10th hole the fog had burned off and everyone caught up with
    everyone else

    idiot marshals!!

    Reply
    • Brian

      For the public courses I play in So Cal, the term “marshall” is a misnomer. They tend to be older retired fellas who work a couple of shifts a week so they can play free. They do not understand (or care) what causes slow play so they routinely allow anybody to play whichever tees they want (regardless of skill level) while not encouraging (or demanding) ready golf. Not to mention they are buddies with all the locals/members so of course they are not going to jump in anybody’s s**t for being slow. I’ve been to Scotland twice with my brother for 7-10 days of daily golf and our longest round was 3:45 hours at the Old Course because we were stopping for the obligatory photos. Average round at other courses was three and a half hours. And that was walking. And don’t even get me going on tournaments where the average round is 5 to 6 hours!

      Reply
  4. PAT

    I love these stories… the more the better…

    Thanks Monte…

    Reply
  5. Chris

    Monte, that is great stuff! Don’t you just love shoving your ability up the A-hole wanna be’s of the golfing world! And the fact that your so humble about it makes it even better!

    Reply
    • Monte Scheinblum

      I don’t mind people who have different theories than I do or not know I hit it far. There is no one way to swing the golf club as I showed with the Jim Furyk video I analyzed and the Brian Gay post I made after he won a few months ago.

      What I don’t like is the arrogant ones who claim to have all the answers or know everything. Like the one in the thread on Golfwrx who got in everyone’s grill in 4 different threads about it being a stack and tilt forum when it says right at the top of the page that it is a forum for all schools of thought.

      Reply
  6. The Veal

    . . . i love these stories . . .

    Reply

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