A funny thing happened to me on the way…

(the golf part of the story eventually comes and you want to stick around as it is precious)

actually, it wasn’t on the way to anything. I regularly go to one of the local casinos and play Texas Hold’em. I am not ready to win the World Series of Poker main event, but I can hold my own against anyone.

For those of you that play, you will recognize the type of person in this story.

There was a blowhard at the table. He was drinking, talking smack every hand, even the ones he was not involved in. He kept trying to call rules violations on everyone, tried to intimidate people into folding when he was weak and goaded them into calling when he was strong.

One particular hand he made a significant raise before the flop and I had AQ. I put him on pocket J’s or pocket 10’s, so I called. The flop was A, Q, 5 all of different suits. He checked. I was flipping my cards with my thumb while holding them and thinking and he yells out, “that’s a check!” It was nowhere near a check and he yelled for the floor man. He made a big stink and rather than hold up the game, I relented.

It was an obvious ploy as he knew I was now ahead of him and he wanted a free card.

The turn comes and it’s a K. I bet more than the pot and half of his stack. Those who play Hold’em will tell you if he has J’s or 10’s, he is way behind, has no pot odds and should fold.

He calls. The river is a J and I know if he has J’s or 10’s I have lost. He checks trying to trap me and I just check. He flips up Jack’s and starts a little victory dance and chastises my play. Funny enough, for checking the flop, when I really didn’t and he postured to get that taken care of.

The next hand he tries again to pull some rules nonsense and I say, “You are probably the kind of guy who carries around a rule book in his bag and tries to call a violation on every hole.”

He went berserk, stood up and said loudly, “Oh, don’t talk about golf, I would destroy you. I will play you for $1,000 a hole. I am a scratch golfer, I played at Long Beach State and I once shot a 62.”

I said, “Sounds good. Tell me where to show up and bring cash. I don’t take personal checks.”

Wish you could have seen the look on his face. He got up without saying a word, went to the floor man, asked for a table change and had the floor man pick up his chips to bring them to the other table.

My only question. What is it about me that I always attract the ire of these idiots? Golf course marshals telling me I need to hit or leave the course, locker room security guards drawing their sidearms because I don’t have the correct ID, golf instructors who teach people how to swing like a robot coming to my blog and telling me I have no idea what I am talking about.

Just lucky, I guess 😀

I went by him as I was going to the bathroom and said, “poker is about tells and only people who are higher handicaps use the term “scratch golfer.””

Everyone at the table he had changed to heard his tirade and laughed themselves out of their chairs.




  1. Walterr

    good poker is like selling golf lessons, it is not what you can do for people,it is what they think you can do

  2. banner12

    So I guess he didn’t show up at the golf course with the cash?

    • Monte Scheinblum

      I wish. I could have used the $10-12,000. I give him 1 win when I hit an errant drive and a few ties.

  3. jp

    Great story. These are my favorite posts. Thanks Monte.


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