How I almost ended up as Michael Vick’s bunkmate in Leavenworth.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the Nationwide Tour, it is the golf equivalent of AAA baseball.  The major difference is the players are just as good as the PGA players beyond the top 30 guys and the money is much better than AAA baseball.

There is a lot of down time to get in serious trouble.  Unless a really cute daughter of a club member wants to show you the town you are in (a story for a later time in the week), there are basically three activities that pro golfers enjoy.  Bible study, going to a strip club and getting drunk, or acting like a 13 year old.

While I believe in God, the bible study crowd isn’t what you call a barrel of laughs.  I don’t drink and the idea of wasting my money in the thong of a strange woman that I can’t bring home to my mom, doesn’t appeal to me either.

That leaves 13 year old activities.  One week in a town to be nameless, I was rooming with a current PGA Tour player.  We decided it would be fun to throw water balloons out the window of our 7th story hotel balcony and watch people’s reactions.  We weren’t trying to hit anyone…honest, just scare them.

We  noticed an awful lot of men wearing cheap suits and sunglasses.  After about 15 minutes of this, my friend got bored and took out his new laser sight that he bought for his shotgun back home and started pointing it at the ground near people walking, as night was upon us.  On of these nice folks put his hand to his mouth and put his other hand on an automatic pistol.

It turns out, the men in cheap suits wearing sunglasses were Secret Service agents protecting some foreign dignitary.

The moral to the story:  Don’t room with a redneck the week after he makes a big check in a town the has a Bass Pro Shops.



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