An ode to Jeff Foxworthy

Massive Golf Dork, or MGD, is the next level past “scratch.”

If you have your name embroidered on your bag and golf isn’t your job, you might be an MGD.

If you are “too good” or manly for a 7-wood or hybrid…

If the loft on your driver is smaller than your shoe size…

If you often use the phrase, “keep your head down,” you are an MGD.

If after shooting your best score, you video your swing and find several mechanical faults to work on…

If you make a boast about one of your stats and that number is better than the PGA tour average…

If you know the exact swing-weight and shaft weights of all your clubs…

If your reason for not liking a course is that it is too short and you play the white tees…

If you pump your fist and the immediate result isn’t, “you won the Masters…”

If you give a lesson to a friend, that you read, heard, or invented on your own…

If you add your handicap to the length, in seconds, of your pre-shot routine and it is over 40, you should be shot.

If you step off yardages, or own a laser and don’t hit it green high at least 16 times in 18 holes…

If you find yourself often criticizing the golf swings of players who are better than you…I guess that makes me an MGD

R=80, S=50, X=20

If you add one of the above numbers (shaft you use) to your average drive and that number isn’t over 300, you are an MGD

If you ask the starter if they have pin sheets…

If you have ever stepped off a yardage twice because you weren’t sure if you had 70 or 71 yards…

If the cloths you are wearing cost more than the green fee…

If the number of equipment changes is more than the number of rounds you play…

If you have a 2-iron in your bag, and haven’t broken 70 in the last year (what does that say about you folks with 1-irons)…

If you think aesthetics is a positive and difficulty is a negative, when judging a golf course…

If you constantly say, “I know my way is funky, but it works,” and your handicap is 22…

If your iron covers, cost more than your irons…

If you have made more than one golf purchase from an infomercial….

If you are the only one playing the back tees, and shooting the highest score in the group….

If you have more wedges, than woods….

If the club champion can’t hit your irons….

If your person displays more than 5 corporate logos…

If you have ever gone up to a pro and told him a story about how your nephew is the next tour star…

If you think you know someone who hits it farther than Monte Scheinblum…

Welcome to my new friends from pinoy golfer. I hope you enjoy the blog. Check out the video link on the right as a lot of people are finding them helpful. Especially the one entitled, “plane and release by feel.”

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13 Comments

  1. radioman

    A very happy and prosperous New Year
    to you and your family, Monte.

    I take umbrage with one of your MGD
    requirements.
    ” If the clothes you are wearing costs
    more than the green fees”: I was playing
    a chellenging par 3 course where the
    winter rates were 10 dollars for seniors.
    I would have to play that course in
    my underwear to avoid the MGD tag.
    (Would you believe that I was scolded
    once, for ignoring their dress code?)
    However, that course is now closed.
    The course I now play charges 18 dollars
    for seniors who are town residents.
    Golf cart not included. This is for
    a full length 18 hole course.
    I guess I can avoid your MGD spec
    there, by wearing my around the house,
    dungy clothes, and my old running shoes
    with holes in them, instead of my 59 dollar
    golf shoes.
    What the heck are pin sheets?
    Hey, I once thought that it would be
    cool to have my name embroidered on
    my golf bag. But I saw a guy with big, tiger
    head covers, and his name emblazoned
    on his bag. He was topping shots,
    one after another. I then decided that
    I didn’t want to be a bigger jackass than
    I already am.

    Radioman

    Reply
  2. Smitty

    OMG I’m a MGD.

    Reply
  3. Mike Z

    Fun post. I would add:

    If you shoot your handicap but complain about how terrible you played.

    If you wait for the green to clear to hit your second shot on a par-5 when your remaining distance to the green is farther than your tee shot traveled.

    When you say that you hit a par-5 in two when, in reality, your ball landed in the front bunker (or short of it).

    Reply
  4. A Tyler

    The only one I’m guilty of is the loft on my driver is less than my size 13 shoes. 🙂

    Reply
  5. Rusty

    How about adding… If you give video golf lessons wearing cargo shorts and an untucked shirt. 🙂

    Reply
  6. S. Wood

    If you think aesthetics is a positive and difficulty is a negative, when judging a golf course…Count me IN !

    Bad = Tree growing in landing area
    Bad = Approach rolls back into water from the green because not enough fringe (sorry Augusta)
    Bad = Railroad ties.
    Bad = Narrow parallel fairways—hard hat area
    Bad = Long forced carries (risk/reward is better)
    Bad = Aerated greens

    Reply
  7. eric

    I guess I need to cut my toes off or get a driver that I’ll hit the moon with :/

    Reply
    • Monte Scheinblum

      LOL. The point of this is we are all golf dorks. Some just worse than others.

      Reply
  8. Andy

    Re: Driver loft smaller than my shoe size. I carry a 10.5* driver, but it’s been a long time since I had size 10 feet – fourth grade or so.

    Reply
    • Monte Scheinblum

      If it makes you all feel any better, I have a size 13 and use a 7.5. 🙂

      Reply

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