The most arrogant people on Earth are mini-tour pros.

(A re-post)

They may not be the most arrogant on a literal scale, but when you compare attitude to accomplishment, they take the cake.

If you have won on the PGA, Nationwide, or any of the top International Tours, you can golf your ball and I don’t condone arrogance, but I understand and accept it.

What I am talking about is guys whose top line on their resume is a 3rd place finish in The Screen Door Open. A tournament that was played on their home course, was a one round event, they shot 69, cashed a check for $800 and think they are 8 large buckets of balls from making the Tour.

They show up to driving ranges with their Rodney Dangerfield Bag, shirt one size too small, giant white belt, sunglasses, florescent shoes, perfect set of matched irons and a flunky they can pontificate to loud enough for everyone on the range to hear how great they are (been guilty of a few of these things myself).

Well, there was one such egomaniac on the range a few days ago, hitting balls a few stalls down and I heard one of the funniest lines ever from the guy hitting balls in between us.

I normally have on my Oakley OROKR sunglasses with the music on loud enough to tune out everyone else, but this day I was listening to an audio book. I know I made fun of people with sunglasses, but I don’t wear hats and the Oakley OROKR’s allow me to listen to my ipod wireless.

Anyway, Mr. Scratch says to his flunky, “look at this massive lag I am creating. There is no one in golf who creates as much as I do. I just don’t know whether to get ready for the ReMax or Q-school.”

The line about lag was all I needed to hate him. 😀

I won’t lie, he moved it pretty well, but not close to World class long drive and watching him hit wedges was comical. This guy probably shot 65 at his home track with all the pins in the middle of the green and convinced 10 of the guys he plays with to sponsor him. I have seen this scenario 1000 times if I have seen it once.

After really stepping on one, he almost did a Jack Hamm grunt and walked after it a few feet. “No one on this range could get within 50 yards of that.”

This pompous ass had been going on for about 15-20 before this boast of epic and idiotic proportions and the guy hitting balls in between us had by now, had his fill of this clown.

In my younger days I would have rudely corrected this fellow about the inaccuracies of his self aggrandizing. Now, I just giggle to myself almost hoping it provokes them into getting in my face.

Anyway, I had worked my way through the bag to driver, right as Mr. Scratch had hit and posed over the previously described “bomb” while he and his flunky marveled at it. It rolled about 10 yards short of a tree line that is out there about 320.

I won’t lie, I put a good rip into my first drive and I once bounced it into the tree line with some serious heat left on it. The guy hitting balls in between Mr. Scratch and myself says, “This guy in a T-shirt and tennis shoes just pissed on you. So why don’t you shut the **** up and go apply for the LPGA Q-school…maybe you can out drive some of them.”

I got a hernia trying not to laugh as I pretended to walk to my car to get something. When I came back, Mr. Scratch was gone and I had quite a nice conversation with the guy who ruined his day.




  1. s.

    Great, great story.

    P.S. I was watching a Golf Channel show about 10 Greatest Golf Characters, and they got to Moe Norman (greatest ball-striker ever?). Anyway, in the brief video footage, Moe says (very Monte-like), “everything turns together,” and he demonstrates it.

    And then, Moe does some imitations of lower-body leading, and other disjointed maneuvers….maybe what some folks do to try to get lag.

  2. PAT


    Monte, these posts are really why I read this blog…

      • Matt

        Any update on the release date?

        • Monte Scheinblum

          I am hoping soon. The edit is taking longer than expected because of my many grammatical and usage errors. 😀

  3. bentshaft


  4. Dean

    Made my day!

  5. Peter B

    Shouldn’t you practice when on the Range? Please go practice at 7am or you will never make it to the Tour. You get distracted way too fast. -Your Nanny

  6. Walter

    Us mortals see these guys out there all the time. My normal drive is 195 to 220 in the middle of the fairway let me repeat in the middle. I don’t hit the ball very far so what I am 66 years old and I hit the bal the same or better than I did at forty. There are some that will never understand the game no matter how well they hit the ball. I love to play with these guys. Hitting you target is always better than hitting it far

  7. Steve Bishop

    That’s great Monte. Reminds me of a time when I was 130 lbs, 5’6″ and playing in a group of AAA baseball players for a charity event who had a propensity to harp on me about my size. They went at it with reckless abandon and I would just cozy up a 280 yarder as their safety blanket. Then on one hole I told them I had enough. They could all swing first and if one of them hit the fairway I was going to let it rip. Sure enough one of them hit it 320 down the fairway.

    I intentionally strengthened my grip a bit so I could pivot more, and let her fly. My ball landed around 315 just behind his ball and rolled out to 340. Probably the farthest drive I have ever struck. They never made jokes about my size again.

    I NEVER boast about my distance because frankly, it doesn’t matter. Unless you’re doing ReMax long drive and I don’t have that kind of distance. What really matters is how close you get it to the hole. Ironically that is the statistic the fewest people look at, but it’s the best statistic for determining who is going to win.

    • Monte Scheinblum

      “What really matters is how close you get it to the hole. Ironically that is the statistic the fewest people look at, but it’s the best statistic for determining who is going to win.”

      SO TRUE!!!!

  8. James H

    hahah!! awesome post. What a douche!

  9. Rick

    agree with PAT above. those stories seem to attract you, or vice versa, and are highly entertaining. great way to end long week of work. look forward to your book.

  10. Harry Rudolph

    Nobody can hit it as far as Monte. Not even a mini tour douche with incredible lag. What’s up Monte ! Long time no
    see .


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